The Regulars: Creepy Eyebrow Guy

I know what you’re thinking. “Creepy eyebrow guy?” But trust me when I say that it’s bang on. 

He’s one of those people who has constant “crazy eyes” and almost always pulling this face that makes him look down right freakish. He’s the kind of person you imagine when someone says “sex offender” or “pedophile”. As you may have guessed, he’s also a little… off.

Shortly after I started working at the library I was warned about him. As I’ve learned since, patrons who come with a warning usually need to come with a warning. He had taken a liking to one of the girls I worked with and had a tendency to try to corner her. 

Understandably, she found this more than a little undesirable. 

Once, when I had walked away from shelving for a minute, I came back to find him hustling away from her. She looked incredibly relieved to see me and told me while I was gone he’d walked over to her for a chat. Apparently he had started undoing his shirt and pointing at her necklace (which was resting on her chest) telling her he had the same necklace and did she want to see it.

Yeah, he’s a fun guy like that.

More recently he got himself banned. I know I said it’s really not so simple to go about banning someone, but this was a fairly simple matter as he decided to go out in a blaze of glory.

This was one of those very rare days when I was lucky enough to not get caught up in the ensuing shit storm and still managed to secure a damn good seat to watch the action. I had been doing the requests (which means I was going around pulling books people wanted put on hold) and was at the far end of the library. The row I was in happened to be one of only three that are well hidden enough that you can watch most of the library without really being seen. 

Like most libraries, ours tends to be fairly quiet. So any sudden loud noises tend to attract a lot of attention. Someone yelling will, invariably, get the entire library craning their necks to see what’s going on. 

When I heard the shouting, I poked my head out of the row. Sure enough, there was CEBG screaming his head off. The best part? The person he was yelling at just happened to be our library head – a small man with a big attitude, a short fuse and no talent for defusing a situation.

“This is bullshit!” 

The library head was quickly joined by two of our usual (and completely ineffective) security guards. I could see he was mad but could hear much of what he was saying.

“Fuck you! The is bullshit!” He screeched again.

The security guards took another step towards him.

“I’m NOT leaving!” The whole situation was deteriorating and everyone could see it. Like most employees who are getting paid well enough not to quit but not so much that they really want to get hurt by some lunatic at work, anyone who could get away with it was waiting to witness the fallout and wishing they’d brought popcorn. 

The more CEBG tried to get closer to the library head or past them all together and back in to the library, the harder the security guards were trying to hustle him out the door.

“Fuck you! This library is bullshit! This library is RACIST!” 

I saw more than one person shake their head and chuckle at that one.

“You’re a bunch of fucking racists!” He screamed at the library in general. “How dare you fuck with my card!?”

They got him another five feet closer to the door. All in all it took them a solid fifteen minutes to get him right outside and he went screaming and swinging the whole way. 

When I made my way back to the front desk, after the security guards had left and the library head had stomped back to his office, I found a lot of people laughing.

“What the hell was that all about?”

Turns out he was having trouble with his card and accessing the internet of the library computers. So of course the library must have done something to his card to make it stop working. To be fair, there are any number of reasons that your card will stop working. One of which is having a block on your card due to fines and what-not.

That was not, unfortunately, the conclusion he came to. Despite a number of people at the counter assuring him it was nothing we were taking out on him specifically. No, that would be far to simple an answer.

He decided that the library had somehow infected his library card with a virus that was stopping him from using our computers with it.

Why would the library do such a thing (that is to say, if it weren’t impossible)?

Because the library is racist. 

Of course. That makes perfect sense. And the best way to get the library to do anything about problems you’re having with your account or issues you’re having with your card is to scream in the face of the library head, accuse everyone of being racist and kicking up a big enough stink to have yourself banned for a year.

Keep this in mind next time you find you have a couple of over due charges. 

Works like a charm, clearly.

-Late Fines.

Published in: on May 31, 2009 at 8:36 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Racist? Really?
    I didn’t realize the Creepy Eyebrow People were now considered their very own race.

    So, wait, does this mean Scratchy Elbow People are a race now too?

    If so, I may need to change the information on my driver’s license.

    • I will now assume that you are your own race. That will also explain A LOT.

  2. I think his card is the racist card….yeah…bad pun.

    • That was bad… really bad. You’re fired.

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